Every once in a while you see something that you think has to be a spoof, but turns out to be serious. In the process it confirms a lot of what you suspect of the people waving the thing around. Here’s one of those examples.

Some government programs have gained hundreds of billions of dollars paid by undocumented immigrants, who have been shown to draw a smaller amount from the same services.

Stephen Goss, chief actuary of the Social Security Administration, told Vice News that undocumented immigrants pay about $12 billion a year into the Social Security Trust Fund. Over the last decade, the agency estimates undocumented immigrants have contributed $100 billion to the program.

An estimated 11 million undocumented immigrants live in the U.S. and the agency guesses 7 million are actively working. Of these, 3.1 million use fake or expired social security numbers and still pay automatic payroll taxes.

Let’s just peel back this onion a little bit. For starters, we have been repeatedly told for decades that figuring out who is using fake Social Security numbers is impossibly expensive. To notify employers that the number they are using to submit taxes for their employee would be impossible and the cost to employers would be onerous. Yet, the actuary of the Social Security Administration seems to have this data at his fingertips.

Now, let’s take a look at the math. $13 Billion sounds like a lot of money until your divide it by the 3.1 million. The result of that bit of math is $4193.55. Let’s call it $4195 just to keep it simple. That does not sound like a lot of money all of a sudden. Of course, Abdul from Yemen and Kwame from Ghana are not bringing this cash with them from the old country. Their employer, the guy taking the bogus social security number and fake ID, is taking the money from the wages he is paying them. Currently the employee pays 6.2% and the employer pays the same.

That bit of math means the illegals are theoretically making over $33,800 per year. Keep that number in mind. Meanwhile, let’s take a look at the rest of this piece.

Goss said undocumented workers contribute about $13 billion a year in total and collect about $1 billion, leaving a net contribution of $12 billion a year. Considering their questionable legal status, it’s unlikely undocumented immigrants will benefit from their Social Security contributions.

A study published in the journal Health Affairs in May 2013 found that, in 2009 alone, immigrants paid $13.8 billion more to Medicare’s hospital account balance than they used. The U.S.-born population left the fund with a $30.9 billion deficit that same year.

Whether immigrants contribute to or use up federal services is a key issue in the immigration reform debate. The May 2013 study did not differentiate between documented and undocumented immigrants.

Experts say Medicare’s $115 billion surplus by immigrants from 2002-2009 was largely because their average age — 34 — is lower than the U.S.-born population, so most cannot benefit from the retirement service for many years. At the same time, however, many baby boomers have gone into retirement.

First of, why are illegal immigrants collecting anything from Social Security? How would anyone know, given that they say it is impossible to police the use of fake identification.

Anyway, let’s get back to the math. The second study that coincidentally claims illegals pay over $13 Billion in Medicare taxes is even more interesting. If we do the same math as we did before, we take $13.8 Billion divided by the magical 3.1 illegals paying the taxes Americans won’t pay. That gives us $4451.61 so let’s say $4450.00 just to keep it simple. Pretty much the same math as with the Social Security claim.

The difference is the tax rate for Medicare is 1.45% for employer and employee. That means either there are many more illegals paying Medicare taxes or the Health Affairs Journal thinks these illegals are making over $150K per year. That’s a lot of tomatoes to pick.

To make their numbers match those of the actuary, you have to assume over 14 million illegals are working and paying taxes. You also have to assume they are making $16/hour. How likely is that?

Sarcasm aside, the math simply does not add up. The math and simple observations says there are a lot more than 3.1 million working with fake papers. Ask anyone who is familiar with payroll software or payroll services and they will tell you there are a lot of bogus numbers in the system.

There’s also loads of these guys working for cash. I know of a dozen places around the Imperial Capital where you can get day labor for cash. Painters, landscapers, drywall guys, roofers. If you need guys to do low-skilled work and you don’t need the hassle of doing it legal, there’s a solution.

None of this really matters, of course. Immigration, legal or otherwise, is not about propping up collapsing welfare systems. If that were the case, then we should bring back slavery. After all, if bulldozing the laws and customs of a country is justified in an effort to pay welfare debts, then what is the objection to bringing back chattel labor?

The fact is these people paying the alleged taxes are doing so in lieu of Americans doing the same jobs. Open borders fanatics carry on like these people coming over the border are creating jobs that don’t exist.  The reality is something else. Employers want cheap, dependable labor. If the government says it is OK to hire foreign guys for cash or with fake papers, then they will do it if it makes sense.

Gutting the wage base with illegal labor, however, has costs. No one ever bothers to examine those costs when celebrating diversity. The millions of unemployed men collecting relief checks has a cost to society. It’s not just the taxes and welfare payments. It is the cost to the culture. Then you have the direct costs to state and local infrastructure of adding tens of millions to the system. Go into any emergency room and you see what I mean.