I’m not sure if I will watch the debates tonight. I have been meaning to clean the dryer vent for a while and maybe learn how to do a prostate self-exam. In all seriousness, I have a tough time watching these things as they have been turned into talent shows, without the talent. The preening clowns from the media, grinning like chimps for the cameras, asking a bunch of moist robots pointless questions is no way to run a country.

I’m not alone. Last cycle, the best numbers for a debate were early on when Gingrich was bashing the press. The debate in August of 2011 got seven million viewers. The rest struggled to break three million, which is 1 out of every 50 households. I doubt the debates have any impact on voter behavior. Romney waxed the floor with Obama in the debates and still lost handily.

I think one of the things to watch for tonight is how much of an ass Chris “Thanks Dad” Wallace makes of himself trying to be clever. He’s there to mug for the camera and that means trying to trip up the candidates with silly questions he thinks are clever. Trump’s presence will be too much for him to resist so I expect Wallace to show up wearing big floppy red shoes and a red rubber ball nose.

The night is, of course, all about Trump. He’ll get the business from Wallace and how he handles it will be the story. Having Wallace asks the questions probably works for Trump, but you never know. Trump’s act works when he fills the room. Being one guy on a stage of ten may make him look small. That’s what happened to Fred Thompson. Everyone expected the bigger than life TV guy and they got just another guy.

The other thing I’ll be watching is how Christie is treated and how he does with his one shot to get attention. I’ve always suspected the media liked him as “good TV, but totally safe on policy.” Take away the bombast and you have Rudy Giuliani in a fat suit. If ¡Yeb! can’t get his act together, the fat man is a good alternative for the party and their media sponsors. I don’t think primary voters feel the same way, but Republicans tend to fall in line, rather than fall in love.

That’s the other big story. Can ¡Yeb! arrest his decline. In the candidate forum the other day he was awful. I forgot just how bad the Bush Klan is at speaking in public. They have a way of making good news sound like a cancer diagnosis. Bush needs to give people a reason to like him. Right now he is trading on his name recognition and starting now the other names will become recognized. Personally, I hope he strips naked and runs screaming into the street.

The warm-up acts are another area of interest. The kiddie table Fox has set up for the candidates not polling well enough to get a seat at the adult table could be a story of their own. My hunch is the media will be looking for one they can start to champion just to have a story to tell. Narrative journalism requires at least one long shot and plucking a Carly Fiorina from the pack and promoting her fits the narrative. Plus, the press could use her to prove Republicans hate women.

I’m going to watch Walker and Cruz. I can’t say I’m a big fan of either guy, but they have a tale to tell. Cruz is the populist firebrand, at least by today’s soft feminine standards. TV is a cool medium that tends not to work well for firebrands. Walker is a boring dork who sounds like a robot, but he has the best resume of the bunch. I’m curious as to how they try to make this thing work for them.

Otherwise, this is the first weekend of the NCAA tournament for politics. It’s fun to sort through the candidates and think about how they could win, but we all know the game is rigged. Still, it is fun to see the underdogs score some points and give the big dogs a fight. Football season starts in a month so it fills the time between now and then.